Trump, Sacks search Oval cushions for Bitcoin Reserve key codes
"Have you seen a little piece of paper?! Did you check under the desk?!"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - On Friday afternoon, el Presidente de la Nación U.S.A. waved his executive order wand to create a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve as well as a Digital Asset Stockpile.
David Sacks, the Crypto Czar, claimed the U.S. government owns about 200,000 bitcoins.
“The Reserve is like a digital Fort Knox,” The Sack wrote on Twitter. He continued dumbing it down by saying the digital Fort Knox is for the “cryptocurrency often called digital gold. Gold being that glitzy yellow stuff we gave up on for fiat currency. So this is like an even faker fiat currency for the fake future we’re building.”
Presidente Trump presided over the first Digital Asset Summit, where he and Sacks spoke at painful length about our new digital malaise.
Near the end, however, the room quickly descended into chaos.
All Bitcoin holders have a private key code that allows them to make crypto transactions and to prove they own the funds.
Trump asked Sacks to show the room the paper containing the key code, to which Sacks replied, “I thought you had it.”
Trump, Sacks, Bessent and Little Marco quickly returned to the Oval Office to search for the key code.
“It’s like a receipt,” Trump said. “A beautiful little receipt containing our cherished key codes. Everyone, check your wallets and your pockets. No one leaves.”
As the four men searched, a reporter from the USmerica First, World Last Facebook group asked if El Presidente intended to use nuclear warheads against the rogue state of Canada. “Hey,” Trump responded. “You’re not supposed to be asking that question because we’re talking about crypto here. We get along fine with Canada. We’re not looking to hurt them, but we’ll see if the warhead comes April 2.”
JD Vance later found the key code stuck to the bottom of his shoe.