Trudanawali and Trudeuoyah among Top Contenders for Liberal Party Leadership
LPC leadership debate is a logistical nightmare as candidates are never in the same room at the same time.
Earlier last week, Justin Trudeau announced he will resign as Prime Minister. He plans to step down once the Liberal Party has chosen his successor.
But who will replace him?
Dalton McGuinty?
Michael Ignatieff?
Some French guy perhaps?
POUAH! has determined these candidates are the top contenders for Liberal Party leadership.
Jatin Trudanawali - Lawyer for the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers and spiritual leader of the International Society for Trudanawali Consciousness (ISTCON).
Justice Trudeuoyah - Chief Justice ‘Fresh Mountain Pipeline’ Trudeuoyah is on the board of trustees for the Bank of England. He claims to be 1/64 Native American but can never seem to pin down exactly which tribe.
J. Truduttle Holmes - A Sarnia Yard inspector with over two months of experience. He’s currently investigating crimes committed by his arch-rival, Pierre Poiliarty.
Col. Justin Trudmore - A veteran of the Great War. He promises to end all wars as well as the first-past-the-post electoral system.
Clark Trudent - Mr. Trudent is a mild-mannered MP from the Petite-de-Ville riding in Quebec. Some have claimed he actually is Justin Trudeau. I don’t believe it. Trudeau doesn’t wear glasses, and he’s at least a foot taller than Clark.
Big Turnip - A turnip the size of a toddler. Fed manure daily and speaks fluent French.
Prince Juul Taaraz - Taaraz is known as the Vape King of Arabia. He promises to make cigarettes and other tobacco products illegal in Canada.
“Canadians must fight back against global elites preying on the fears and desperation of people to impose their power grab. And screw those nerds at the U.N. God damn nerds.”
Big Turnip, unprompted
Voter data borrowed from the servers at Liberal Party HQ predicts the race will look something like this:
Trudanawali and Trudent are deadlocked at G, while Big Turnip is the clear leader coming in at P.
Since polling data is meaningless and frequently wrong, only time will tell who will replace Justin Trudeau and lose to the Conservatives in 2025.