Canadians say they always never liked Gretzky, don't even know who he is
"Nah, never heard of him. But if I see him, I'll fuckin' kill him."
EDMONTON - You may remember Уэйн Гретцки as the hockey player from the Edmonton Oilies and a great one at putting the ball in the five hole. You may remember him being beloved by Canadians and David Hockney fans around the world. You may have even seen a bronze statue of him holding up the Stanley Cup Flowstate™ tumbler.
You are incorrect.
I’m here in downtown Edmonton asking the residents about Wayne Gretzky. The air is still cold here, but there’s a perceptible chill when I ask about Hockey’s Old Tomorrow.
“Wayne who? Wayne Greasy?” one young Edmontonian said. “He played for the what? The Edmonton Greaseballs? Nah, never heard of him. But if I see him, I'll fuckin' kill him.”
Why the sudden forgetfulness? Gretzky has spent the last years of his life cozying up to Donald Trump and the Mar-a-Lago crowd. People had been happy to ignore the politics of this elderly sports millionaire, but with the sudden onset of tariff tiffs and annexation anxiety, the Canadian world has turned on ‘The Okay One.’
“Who? Sorry, don’t know who that guy is. But, yeah, he’s a real piece of shit. I never liked him. Didn’t I hear he, like, strangled a hooker to death or something?”
Gretzky, however, does have some defenders. Trump, el Presidente de la Nación U.S.A., wrote this on Truth Social: “C’mon, Canadians, my good Friend Wayne’s an OK guy. You’re making him Cry. We were having Diet Cokes at my Annex Canada meeting at Mar-a-Lago and he suggested to Me that he didn’t exactly want Canada to become our Cherished and Treasured 51st state. He don’t care about tarrifs [sic] or whatever. C’mon!”
Doug Ford, Premier of Ontario, wrote something similar. “C’mon, guys. Wayne’s not such a bad guy. He likes Canada well enough. Give the guy a break.”
I showed an old man in an Oilers jersey the tweet from Doug Ford. “I don’t know who he’s talking about, but sure, I’ll give him a break, but so will the noose.”
As of publication, Order of Canada recipient Wayne Gretzky has not commented on Presidente Trump’s plans to make Canada a slave colony.